The Other News No One Else Dares!

Submitted: Sunday, February 17, 2006

Written by: Pyle Pennington

How to Tell if Your Son is Gay.

One of the most contagious fads these days is being gay. Everywhere you look, there are hot girls making out, hot boys making out, and people filing lawsuits for their “equal rights” they think they should have. This fad is even more dangerous then the Rock and Roll fad from the 70’s. It's even worse then the 80's long hair, which most did not think was possible. This Guide was compiled to show you the signs and clues that you need to figure out if your son is experimenting in homosexuality. Here are the signs to look out for:

Shaggy hair. Most pictures of gay men are of teenagers with shaggy hair. If your boy is growing his hair out long and leaving it unkempt and messy, this is serious cause for concern. Give him a buzz cut immediately.

If you come home and find your son making out with another boy on the couch, this is a definite clue that he could be homosexual. You should do your best to separate them. Also, crucify the other boy and smear his name in feces on your son’s wall.

Clues are always hidden in their speech. For instance, if your son comes home and says, “Today, me and John fucked like ten times in a shed,” this could be a cause for concern. Also, take notice of quotes such as, “I swallowed a huge cock after school today,” and “Goddamn, Chris can pound me like a hammer.”

If your boy is skinny, white, and has black hair, this is a serious cause for concern. Many gay men are composed of white, skinny men who wear their hair in spiky styles. This is typically known as ‘Emo’ style.

A common and easy treatment is to beat the living fuck out of your son. Another good idea is injecting him with AIDS to show him what could happen to him if he was gay. The most common one, typically called the Texas Treatment, is to buy three hookers for your son and force him to have sexual intercourse with them until he stops being gay.

Gayness is an incredibly contagious and dangerous disease. Be sure that your son isn’t indulging in this dangerous sport by noticing the various clues stated above. If he won’t stop, don’t be too proud to disown him and burn him in a pile of gay paraphernalia.

These two might be gay. Keep your eyes out for bloody under garments and strap-on sex toys to know for sure.

This kid is absolutely gay, if he's yours, chastise him and send him up to his room immediately.

Don't be worried if you see this, it is completely normal behavior.

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